First and foremost I will start from the very beginning, and that means that I will try to explain my journey through various musical genres, gaming platforms and how i ended up where I stand right now. I want to point out first, that i completely abandoned video games and that i started to know more about tabletop role-playing games. I did not however abandoned producing music. A lot of things changed since those days and that is just the natural way of my personal development as an individual.
I’ve been a gamer pretty much through my entire conscious existence on this earth and i think i will remain one in one way or another. I remember that i always had a passion for few things. Music, fantasy literature, history, books in general, drawing stuff, and last but not least, video games.
(Gaming, music and fighting trolls and goblins in the forests)
Since early childhood i was fascinated by all things related to fantasy, medieval and pre-Christian times, including; dragons, castles, elves, orcs, goblins, trolls, forests, fairy tales, Tolkien’s Middle-earth and most of all, the story of Merlin the magician. Not so much of the actual King Arthur and the round table story, because I somehow felt (without having any prior knowledge of that time) that it has elements that i do not enjoy or find them fascinating, and also because of the whole Christian aspect as well. Call it an instinct or not, but i realized that i was quite right later on when i researched the aspect of that particular legend. Yes, I was an avid and stubborn heretic since early age, considering all things Christian to be somehow foreign to me or to my country. I did not grew up in a Christian environment in any way and my parents were never into religion or attending the local church. I guess in my hometown very few people did that and they were mainly elderly people, brainwashed through their whole lives to have respect for the church and christianity without realizing that our own pre-Christian native traditions were stolen and buried in the ground or have been painted on top with Christian dogmas and crappy ecclesiastical values. The Eastern Orthodox church and beliefs is what we have in these lands, but it is just the same face for a religion that is absolutely foreign to us Europeans. Does not matter if it’s, Catholicism, Orthodoxy, Protestantism or any other branch of the tool for control. The virus remains the same at its core, it’s just coloured and camouflaged with fancy labels to make things complicated for people and confuse them. It is not their fault entirely, i mean people’s fault, and it is even not their parent’s fault, but that is a discussion for some other time. Don’t wanna dip into religion here. This matter requires a whole separate article. All in all, nothing out of the ordinary was the place were i grew up. I also haven’t got any clue about what Paganism was or the pre-Christian European traditions, but there were always hints here and there about these ”Old Gods” and ‘‘The old ways and beliefs”, mainly from movies or books, if I got lucky enough to be able to get my hands on some. Mainly, because we are a post-communist country and such books were prohibited from publishing. Hell, even Tolkien’s books were not allowed to be translated and printed here during the Totalitarian regime. Only after the it crumbled in 1989, and during the mid nineties we had our first Tolkien books on the shelfs in various book stores around the country. Maybe not so good translations, but still it was something new and inspiring. It was like taking a deep breath in the forest when you want to go away in seclusion from the concrete prison of the cities. And then after some time these ”hints” pushed me forward and fueled my interests to find out who they were and what they represented.
During my teenage years, naturally I got into metal and specifically, black metal. Bands and one-man projects like; Burzum, Darkthrone, Bathory, Enslaved and a few others as well, but also early Mortiis albums were amazing and very inspiring. Along the road, I also discovered Ambient and Industrial music and its various subgenres. All of the bands and this sort of sound and aesthetic launched my interest into the fields of gaming and especially Hack and Slash RPGS. The most famous and played game during that time was Diablo II. It had everything I wanted. Medieval, dark and oppressive setting, inverted pentagrams, satanic imagery, the ability to chop the heads off of all sorts of monsters and creeps and fighting your way through waves and waves of enemies.It had a freaking cow level too, where you can teleport in a location and find hordes of cattle armed with hand axes. What the fuck?! I still wonder who came up with that crazy idea! …well I have some clues after all. Doing the quests was extremely entertaining and the anticipation to find where that nasty and powerful boss resided, was an immediate ticket to come back and play more. Not to mention all the rare loot that these bosses dropped after you slay them. Aaah, the satisfaction….Long story short, that was my type of fantasy game for that time! It had heroes and classes, where you can level up and develop simultaneously a few characters. It also had an intriguing and captivating story that can grab you by the throat and never let you go! Blizzard had done it! I need to mention that during this period i didn’t have a computer at home. This was around 2000-2001. All of this was before i got my own first PC and spending my time at the local computer clubs after i finish school was what i did most of my time.(well apart from reading fantasy books and drawing things inspired by games and movies) Of course you had to pay to play, but i knew the owners there and they let me stay for some extra hours. Anyways. Those were the days. A few years after that we bought brand new computer. Imagine what i installed first!! Yes indeed! A year or two after spending countless hours and hours in front of the monitor, basically doing nothing productive (well i considered gaming to be a productive experience too, i kid you not!) and just gaming (wasting my time) 24/7, i felt that this is not the right way to carry on with my life. I needed to create something! I needed to do my own artistic creation. I had few things in mind that i wanted to start doing. I either wanted to become a professional artist/painter/illustrator or a musician. Later i realised that i was wrong. Well, wrong meaning that my view on the word ”professional” changed quite a bit since then. A friend of mine, a musician and a drummer that had previous experience with couple of the local metal bands, got me into the whole creative process of having your own musical project. He had been trying out a few music production software programs, because he was experimenting with his own stuff and a new kind of music, aside from metal. I was very intrigued by this type of thing and he gave me one of the programs to try it out by myself. In mid 2008, I founded my first ever musical project. It was raw, unprofessional and very ill produced and not well-informed, structured and spontaneous, but it was freaking mine! It was simply called Schutzstaffel. Yeah I know. You get the idea what sort of mindset I had back in those days. Like very few people on my age back then, I was very into nationalism and right-wing ideas. All of that snowballed into a lifestyle and way of everyday thinking. I was not a part of any group or organisation as I despised being in all sorts of cults or surrounded by morons. I always felt that I am very much comfortable doing things on my own and I still am to this day. The path of the warrior is a path that needs to be chosen and taken by the individual alone. This whole period of my life was actually not very long, but it was kind of intense. Having been fascinated by Warfare, weapons, German stuff and everything surrounding WWII, I also discovered a musical genre that led me to change a lot of my views about a lot of things in life. It was Martial Industrial or whatever you wanna call it nowadays. A few years ago it was an artistic form of expressing a rebellious and unique form of, well basically raising your hand as high as you can and showing the middle finger against the establishment and all its psychopathic and bureaucratic forms of control. …at least I personally saw it like that and it worked for me in a many different ways. For example, just imagine the feeling of finding Punk Rock music for the first time during the early 1970s. That is precisely how it was for me.
To be continued…